You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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