do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
