ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
