my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
