Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
