can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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