I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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