I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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