Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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