Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
