I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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