there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
