Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize