I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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