Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
