this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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