yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the day after is always just damage control
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
