Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
