if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
