her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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