she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
