On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?