Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...