You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
