I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This baby is an asshole
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.