dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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