I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
