Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
