Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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