so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
