Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
