Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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