I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
