He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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