if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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