OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize