You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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