Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
