PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
