your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
being pregnant is like rehab
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
