I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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