is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
