I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
