Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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