New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
