He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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