so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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