I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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