everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
