Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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