It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
