My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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