You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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