It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
