Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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