I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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