i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
