she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
