If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
