Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
