I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize