sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
