i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
