A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
