I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
