Just fell off a train. Bad.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
