words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
