Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
