I want to walk on stilts...naked
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
