When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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