just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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