his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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