We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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