Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she peed on how many people?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
