for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
