we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The uberlube is also flammable
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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