Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
