...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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